Death by Suicide: Family Crisis
Early one chilly November morning last year I got a phone call from my sister. “Jacob is gone.” she said. “Where did he go?” I asked.
“He’s gone, Susan. He’s gone. He killed himself.” was her answer.
All I could say was “NO,NO,NO,NO,NO !!!!!” And then she was crying and I was crying and life has not been the same since. It is now almost one year later.
That being said, before you read on, if you are depressed or suicidal, there is help available. Stop reading and call 800-273-TALK (8255) or text the Crisis Text line at 741741 and type TALK.
YOUR LIFE MATTERS!!!
September is National Suicide Prevention Month. That’s all well and good but every single day should be National Suicide Prevention Day. Education has to start NOW and be widespread
Perhaps it needs to start with doctors and hospitals.
A Case in Point
And here is why I say this : Last week a friend came to me telling me she had been quite depressed, not suicidal but depressed for several weeks. She had mentioned this to her primary care dr and he gave her the name of a counselor to call, a psychiatrist. She made the call and couldn’t believe her luck when the dr. told her that she had an opening the next day and could see her then.
My friend made the appointment. She saw the doctor the next afternoon and as she told me, “it was like I had verbal diarrhea ! I couldn’t stop talking. All this stuff just came pouring out! At the end of the hour I felt marginally better and was excited to think that maybe this was really going to help and that soon I would be feeling better. ” Then the doctor said to her “Well, lets get you scheduled for your next visit. I’m going on vacation so let’s put you in for a visit on Oct 2.
My friend said she felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown on her. How could she possibly wait almost another month to continue what had been started today ? She took the appointment but told me that she had no intention of returning when she walked out. She felt that what she had just spent an hour telling the doctor was not important . Why didn’t the doctor think it was important enough to suggest a follow up with a partner or another counselor or SOMEONE WHO WOULD LISTEN sooner than a month? She felt she was just another person whining about stuff that could wait until the dr. returned. How depressing !!!
A Possible Solution
I suggested that TOGETHER we call the local hospital neuropsych dept and try to get an appointment with a doctor that someone had recommended for another friend of mine (yes, I have a lot of depressed friends – This is Cleveland and winters are long and cloudy.). When we called and I told the woman answering the phone that I wanted to make an appointment with Dr. X I was informed in a very dismissive tone that ” it will not be possible to do that because” 1) my friend would have to go through the hospitals triage to see if she REALLY needed to be seen and 2) that particular dr. was scheduling out to the end of November – a two month wait IF if was determined she was actually depressed and needed to be seen…..
OK ! Well, it’s a good thing she wasn’t suicidal.
We made several more phone calls and finally found someone who had an opening the next week and we took it. I’m hoping the reason the counselor had an opening was NOT because she didn’t have any patients or she wasn’t a very good therapist. I should know sometime today after my friend has seen this doctor.
The Need to Educate
I can’t imagine being depressed or depressed to the point of being suicidal, reaching out for help and being swatted away like this ! I can only imagine it would be the thing that could be a final straw. Where is the help ? Someone who has finally managed to reach out should not have to wait two months to be seen !
My point is if people in the medical professional do NOT understand depression, the need for immediate help, or the connection to suicide how can the general population know how to handle someone who may be suicidal. My friend’s own primary care doctor has not called her to see how she is or if she was able to get an appointment with the dr. he recommended.
SO – I’ll get off my rant now and move on to the important stuff –
Facts and Figures
Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in people 15-34, 3rd leading cause in children 10-14. Those are really scary figures.
There are 44,000 suicides in the US each year and 25 attempts for every completed suicide., 121 a day. Men are 4 times more lilkely than women to attempt suicide. And they succeed more often. It’s highest in middleaged men followed by men 75 and older.
Risks and Symptoms
Become familiar with the risk factors and symptoms then educate those around you. Be willing to step in.
Risk factors: Depression,bi-polar disorder, substance abuse,chronic pain, prior attempts,family history.
Symptoms: Withdrawal from family and friends, iirritability, feelings of hopelessness and despair, panic attacks, change in eating and sleeping habits, mood swings – going from sadness to calmness and happiness. ( usually indicates the person has made a plan), saying goodbye, giving away possessions, talking about guilt, shame, feeling trapped, or being a burden, feeling hopeless or empty.
Suicidal thoughts or actions are a sign of extreme distress and not a harmless bid for attention. They should not be ignored.
How You Can Help
Get involved. Listen. Learn what the person is thinking and feeling. Acknowlege this. Ask questions. Ask “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” This is a tough question but asking it is NOT going to give them the idea. If they are suicidal they already have the idea. This question gives them an opportunity to talk about it and for you to help them keep safe, get connected. Ask if they have a plan? What is the plan?
Be there. Remove items they might use such as sharp opjects, pills, guns, knives, ropes.
Stay with them until you can get them help.
If you aren’t with them tell them to call 911 or you call 911 for them. Tell them they won’t get arrested. They will just be connected to someone who can help, a lifeline.
Acknowledging and talking about it actually reduces rather than induces suicidal thoughts. Your goal is not to talk them out of it but to get them involved with help. Usually they are ambivalent. They want to die because of the pain, emotional or physical but they still want to live but they feel it is hopeless, that nothing will change.
Resources
Places to find help: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255.
Crisis Text Line: number is 741741 then type TALK in the message line.
lifescript.com/Health
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
911
Please get involved. Be part of the solution. Bring awareness of this epidemic and how to get involved to those around you . Unlike many epidemics there is no cure for suicide. It’s deadly.
My sister has changed. Our family has changed. Holidays are hard, Ordinary days are hard. My nephew is gone.