I’m Late, I’m Late for a very Important Date
For once I wasn’t as late as the person I was meeting, last Wednesday ! This is rare for me and actually ,I didn’t mind waiting as I figured I’d met a kindred soul. There are those of us who are chronically late and then there are those who not only arrive on time but arrive at their destination early, cool, calm, collected and usually with a nicely wrapped hostess gift in hand. I have a hard time with those people, especially when they are coming to my house because I’m running late and never ready for them.
Tom, in spite of his disorganization, is always in the car ahead of me and seems to know just how much time is needed to get where he needs to go on time. My mother was always waiting with her coat on, at the door, for the stragglers in our family – my father and me. There was always just one more thing we thought we could get done before we had to go. AND THERE IN LIES THE PROBLEM.
At least for some of the chronically late that’s the problem. We overestimate the time we have left to get “just one more thing” done. We are always surprised when we head out the door that it is 10 minutes later than we had planned on leaving. Julie Morgenstern, author of Time Mangement from the Inside Out, says we have a technical issue that causes us to be late.
For those who are routinely late, usually by the same amount of time, it is more often an emotional matter involving one of three issues 1) They fear “downtime”. They are anxious about arriving somewhere and having to wait. 2) They “choose” to be late – a holdover rebelliousness from earlier life. They don’t want to do what others expect them to do.3) They are “crisis makers”. This person thrives on mini-crisis of being late. They need to be under the gun to get moving. They need the adrenaline rush.
What are the consequences of our late arrivals? Being late is upsetting and stressful for you AND for others. You are also creating a bad reputation for yourself. People begin to feel they can’t trust or rely on you. This impacts relationships and self esteem.
Studies show that late people tend to procrastinate more and have problems with self control. They tend to overeat, drink too much and impulse shop. Some have an affinity for thrill seeking hobbies or professions. They may also have ADD symptoms such as restlessness, difficulty focusing and are easily distracted.
Is there a solution ? First of all figure out which type you are. Is it a technical issue or a psychological one? Identifying the type is key to your solution. If your problem is technical you always try to do one more thing before walking out the door. You underestimate either how long the “one more thing” will take or how long you need to get to your destination. Recommended solution is keep track of everything you do for two weeks. Write down how long you THINK it is going to take. Afterwards check how long it actually took. Learn to leave extra time, even if you think you don’t need it.
For some people it’s an inability to say no., even to your own inner voice. If you already
know how long something will take learn to say no. STOP and walk out the door. If it’s saying “no” to a request to do something for someone else that is going to make you late learn how to say ” I would love to help but am on a deadline” or I have to be somewhere in 30 minutes but I can help_______________(set a time/date).
Pogo, a cartoon character from the 50’s used to say “We have met the enemy and he is us”. We need to say “NO” to that one more thing we think we can do and leave. No one but you is going to know you left a dirty dish and glass in the sink or your bed is unmade (my two stumbling blocks). STOP in your tracks when the voice in your head says “you need to …………before you leave”. Grab your bag and LEAVE. Plan ahead if you know there are tasks you can’t leave undone but have to be somewhere at an appointed time.
If the problem is an emotional issue – anxiety or dislike of waiting time if you arrive earlier than your appointed time, plan something that will hold your attention while you wait. Take a book or magazine you have been meaning to read. Tuck a small notebook in your bag and write overdue notes to people. Make your TO DO list for the week. Return calls or texts on your phone. We have so much that is portable to occupy our time – not just the 3 year old magazines in the doctor’s waiting room, anymore. If its a control issue, rebelliousness, or love of a crisis, acknowledge this then change your behavior. Instead of “controlling” others with your late arrival control your own behavior by planning and executing a plan to be on time.
Leave “No Time to say HELLO, GOODBYE, I’m Late, I’m Late, I’m Late” to Alice’s White Rabbit. Surprise your friends, your boss, your family. Arrive on time.
Think about it.